


I've tried to wash you away, but you just won't leave

by barbvin



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: F/M, Feelings, Sadness, and sad soft alice, my kinks, old sad fuck fp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-22
Updated: 2017-09-22
Packaged: 2019-01-04 00:16:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12157725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barbvin/pseuds/barbvin
Summary: “I guess you’re happy to be out.” She took the chance to speak first, in a hurry because she thought it would give her an advantage, but he didn’t seem fazed by the reminder of his time in jail.“Allie” He said, soft and sweet. Or maybe it was bitter. A subtle nod at the end of his words made her settle on sweet.~After worrying too much about her daughter, Alice decides to make a move. She goes to see the only person who would understand the situation the kids are going through. But really, she goes to see the only person who understands her.





	I've tried to wash you away, but you just won't leave

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if this is too disgusting but I love the concept of FP being a really soft boy for Alice, and Alice finally having someone who will care about her.  
> I tried to respect the show, but the canon for the parents almost never makes sense, so I took some liberties.

Alice closed her eyes and took a deep breath. It must’ve been around twenty years since the last time she stood at that door and she barely remembered a thing.

The darkness was overwhelming, the lights coming out of the trailers were the only thing allowing her to see. The park looked just the same, the smell of dirt and her shoes sinking slightly into the mud felt all too familiar.

Her hand went up and formed into a fist to knock on the door. Her grip was strong, as if she was trying to ground herself somehow. The sound was loud, echoing inside her head and causing her to get dizzy. Everything felt too intense, her thoughts were working against her and she felt paralyzed.

And when a certain dark haired man opened the door wearing jeans and a flannel, her knees went weak and her legs almost dropped her. The pain in her chest tried to get out, but thankfully she wasn’t going to give up without a fight. She had lived that same exact scene so many times before, and the reminder of countless emotions almost knocked her down.

* * *

_“Not gonna happen, Jones” She let out coldly as she walked away, leaving FP behind her._

_It was destiny that had thrown them together, or at least tried to, and it felt boring for her. The cheerleader meets the jock was a love story that had already been told many times, and one that she wasn’t interested in._

_Not in the conventional way, not if he was going to ask her out while they stood in front of the lockers, not if he was going to say she was pretty and invite her to see a movie, not if she was supposed to wear her dress and go meet his parents._

* * *

Alice was as fragile as she had ever been while she stood at that door. Once again, everything she knew and everything she believed in was falling apart.

But things changed, years had passes, and her feelings weren’t her priority anymore. She had two daughters to think of, to defend, to protect. The family she had fought so hard for was in danger and she would take extreme measures if she thought they were necessary.

So she ended up at FP Jones’ trailer. She hadn’t taken one minute to think what she would say, thinking when the moment came she would be able to deal with it.

The door was completely open and he was staring at her, obviously caught off guard by the visit, but still seemed to be handling himself better than she was. It didn’t take him more than a couple seconds, a smirk appeared on his face, one that Alice knew too well.

“I guess you’re happy to be out.” She took the chance to speak first, in a hurry because she thought it would give her an advantage, but he didn’t seem fazed by the reminder of his time in jail.

“Allie” He said, soft and sweet. Or maybe it was bitter. A subtle nod at the end of his words made her settle on sweet.

Alice Cooper always knew what to say and what to do, she didn’t need preparation. But she hadn’t always been a Cooper, and there was a time when she wasn’t even Alice.

Nothing could be said that would make it easier. There was a weight that suddenly fell on her, the many unspoken truths that had been hidden and avoided for the longest time were closer to the surface than ever.

He moved out of the way to let her in. It was the same trailer, but they were not the same kids.

It was warmer inside and in an attempt to start getting more comfortable she took off her coat, but was surprised when he was immediately behind her to get it.

“Can I get you anything to drink?” He offered, displaying hospitality and kindness.

“Some water.” She requested.

Her eyes strayed towards his counter as he walked there. Clean dishes and water bottles were not what she expected to see, not considering the stories that she had heard.

“FP,” she called and he looked up at her immediately “are you drinking?” Even if it was none of her business, she was a journalist and her instinct was to ask.

“No.” He replied with a short laugh. The color on his cheeks made him appear embarrassed, and she would’ve believed it if she didn’t know better. “I stopped before Keller arrested me, but I’ll admit being in there helped me. It had never stuck for so long.”

“Well. That’s very good.”

She wanted to tell him ‘I can tell’ or ‘You look good sober’ but he really didn’t. They had crossed paths occasionally in the last couple of years, and he had never looked so bad. Not in the sense that he wasn’t attractive, _god no_. The bags under his eyes looked deadly and even though no one else would notice, Alice had never seen him that thin.

* * *

_The night had fallen on them as a double date they were forced to attend was suddenly over and they were left them to fend for themselves. Their friends had hit it off and disappeared while holding hands. By the time it happened she was intrigued, and it would be a blessing in more ways than she had anticipated._

_FP Jones was full of surprises and the ‘jock with okay grades’ label she had put on him suddenly started to feel inappropriate. While on the other side of the tracks, he wore a leather jacket and rode a bike. He walked as if he owned the entire south side of Riverdale, a place she knew as hell on earth, but didn’t seem half as bad if she was holding his hand._

_He offered her his jacket and in any other situation Allie would’ve said no, she didn’t need anyone to take care of her. The weather was chilly, a really cold breeze made its way through the streets and her fingers were shaking, so she couldn’t say no._

_It felt warm, but it also felt and looked good and FP seemed to agree. The distance between them was smaller than she would’ve wanted and his hands reached up to fix the collar, but stood there for too long as it became obvious that it wasn’t what he really intended._

_Allie took a step back quickly when she noticed the heat in her cheeks. She was a tough, strong, smart girl and, as her mom said, should ‘do better than FP Jones or Fred Andrews’._

_Instead she looked down at herself, taking a second to touch the black leather and change her posture to match the confidence that it made her feel._

_“I think I’m in love.” The boy dared to utter those words, and it was bold, she admired him for that, but they weren’t truthful._

_Still, it amused her, and he seemed happy with it too as they both laughed and started walking again. His hand made its way to her side and took hers, she allowed it just because the night was so cold and her fingers were freezing, that was the only reason._

* * *

There was a deep silence between them as they settled on opposite sides of the couch. She didn’t remember FP ever drinking coffee, but things clearly had changed over the years.

“Have you seen the kids yet?” She let out, hoping he would understand and make it easier.

“Jughead spent all weekend here.” He said and she could swear that was a genuine smile. “Betty was here yesterday, but I’m guessing you already know that, so, why are you asking?”

The smile was gone too quickly and a scene that looked comfortable and relaxed, at least for anyone looking from the outside, became obviously tense. But Alice couldn’t forget why she was there, why she had to talk to him, and why she needed him to stay away.

“FP, I don’t think you’re taking this seriously.” She tried to put it in gentle words, but he definitely wouldn’t understand the severity of the situation. “I need to keep my daughter safe, and I hope you won’t make me have to fight against you and your son. I won’t stand around like an idiot while she’s getting threatened in the place where she should feel safe, at school. And how do they even get pig’s blood? Things like this didn’t even happen–”

Screaming was never her thing, she didn’t need to, she could be aggressive without ever raising her voice, menacing with just the sweetest tone and a couple words. However she had to admit it wasn’t her proudest moment, and she wasn’t completely in control.

Still, his hand over her mouth took her by surprise, there was no need to invade her personal space. Except then she noticed he was talking, or at least trying to while she ranted over his words. He was definitely trying to talk and looking extremely concerned.

“What did you just say” He asked, an apparently it wasn’t the first time, but at least he seemed as aggravated as she was.

“The locker incident?” She tried to remind him, but it really looked like it was the first time he was hearing any of it. “They didn’t tell you?”

“No, but you’re gonna tell me about whatever the hell it is right now.” His voice was low and raspy, like she had never heard it before. The concern was obvious, but the years of smoking were too.

“Well, it was this shit you made her write.” Alice reached for the article. It was sitting on top of his coffee table and she had been eyeing it ever since she walked in. Was it supposed to be a provocation to have it lying there? “You, your son, I don’t care who gave her the idea.”

She proceeded to describe the scene, carefully remembering every detail Polly had mentioned; the articles, the blood, the doll. She saw him visibly flinch after she mentioned the words they had written, ‘ _Go to hell serpent slut_ ’ and had to stop and take a deep breath. The blood in her veins boiled every time she thought about it.

“Was Jughead there?” FP immediately asked, and she limited herself to a nod, worried that she hadn’t calmed down enough to speak again.

Not that she was going to relax any time soon, but it helped to see him as furious as she was.

“I’m gonna find out who it was.” He let out, his voice full of rage. His fingers rubbed his temples as if that would help him know who did it, or maybe to keep himself in check.

His words felt empty as they were followed by silence. She knew why. She knew him too well and while he wasn’t exactly a peaceful man, he wasn’t a killer either, and between that and his recent trouble with the law he didn’t seem to have any idea on how to handle the situation.

“It’s not just one person. It’s everyone, and it’s not going to stop.” She sweetened her voice as much as she could, thinking maybe this was the one chance she had to make her point. “The kids being together, it’s just going to make it worse.”

“So, what? You want them to break up and never see each other again?” He could’ve seemed amused, if she hadn’t noticed the rage behind the words and his brown eyes trying to turn red.

“It’s better now, the sooner it happens. It’s bound to happen anyway.” She gave him a second to think about it, but it wasn’t working. “Your son is a serpent now. Do you think I can let my daughter get involved with that crowd?” She asked and it was way more sudden and aggressive than she intended, but they both knew she wasn’t going to take it back. She didn’t need to be soft with him of all people.

“Jughead’s not a serpent, for fuck’s sake.” He replied, twice as threatening. “The jacket feels good, we both know that.” His words were chosen carefully to cut deep. “But he wouldn’t hurt a fly, you know him.”

“You may be right, but he’s still going to move back here, with his father who was in jail for covering up a murder.” She hit him right back and the guilt was making its way to the surface, but there was no way to stop. “Do you not think about that? Doesn’t matter if he’s a good kid, people are furious. They don’t care how much of a serpent he is, he’s wearing the jacket and he’s _your_ son.”

“What am I supposed to do about that?” He was as frustrated as she had ever seen him. “I didn’t even ask him to come back, he wants to. I can’t force him to leave. I can’t give him away. He’s _my_ son.”

The silence settled in the room again. FP had obviously quickly realized his mistake but there was no way to take the words back.

“Allie, I didn’t mean it like that.”

His hand reached for her shoulder and even though she moved away at first, she didn’t resist the second time. She felt the lump in her throat and reached for a sip of water in hopes that it would make it go away. But the tears in her eyes were already there and she knew there was no way of hiding them.

“It’s fine, it’s not about you. I’m not here to talk about that.” She rushed to clarify. “I just recently told Betty about it, that’s it.”

“All of it?” He asked, raising his eyebrows at the surprise. He always was too innocent for his own good.

“No, of course not.” She laughed at the absurdity of his question, accidentally forcing out the tears and quickly wiping them away.

* * *

_Their long walks following the tracks always ended badly. They usually ended up hiding from someone or running away. And there were the times where Allie regretted it all and after spewing the worst insults at FP, found her way back home alone._

_However, there was one time she was particularly weak, and when the boy held her hand, she felt better and smiled at him._

_It didn’t stop there, she couldn’t stop there. In a sudden movement she found herself being held and her hands immediately tried to find his face, but he beat her to it and kissed her. He was sweet, nice and careful, even when his fingers linked with hers again but this time to lead the way as he took her home._

_“I love you.” She whispered late at night when she thought he wasn’t listening, his eyes were closed as she rested her head on his chest._

_“I love you too, Allie.”_

* * *

“You underestimate her.” He sounded angry. “But you know, maybe it’s fine. As good as Betty is at finding out what she wants, you always were the best at hiding me.” His smile wasn’t genuine, it was full of resentment, and he was right.

She was supposed to feel ashamed, wasn’t she? The feelings were buried too deep somewhere inside her, and they were locked away for a reason. They weren’t supposed to get out, ever again.

Alice was always supposed to be someone, the tough girl, the strong girl, the smart girl, the pretty girl, the sweet girl, the nice girl, whatever they would ask. But there was one person who had never asked anything from her, and it hadn’t worked out for him, or maybe for her. After all that time memories got confusing and she couldn’t remember whose heart had been broken first.

“I don’t underestimate her. She can’t deal with this and she doesn’t need to.” It was a statement but maybe she should’ve been begging for help, he made her want to beg for help.

“She’s your daughter, if she’s anything like you were, there’s nothing to worry about.”

It wasn’t how the conversation was supposed to go. Alice was supposed to walk in there and give him a mean speech. Tell him to stay away from her and from her daughter and to keep the kids away from each other, because they were better off that way. He wasn’t supposed to ask about her first baby or remind her of their time together. He wasn’t supposed to be complimenting her daughter and putting pressure on her.

Going there was a mistake.

“How can you say that?” She snarled back, her voice getting louder as everything made less and less sense. “You know she’s nothing like me. That’s what I wanted. I made mistakes, too many. She was supposed to do better.”

“You’re doing to her the same thing they did to you.” He said with a sigh, he seemed amused and it made Alice furious.  

“And look where it got me. I can only hope she gets what I got, without making the same mistakes.” She explained, calm and collected.

“I’m making an effort, you know.” He started speaking after a long sigh and it was way softer than she expected. “I stopped drinking, got a job, I’m reading his stuff, I’m trying to do something for him. You can’t come here and expect me to do that to him, not when I know what he’ll go through.” The pain in his voice was clearly visible and she struggled to ignore it.

“Stop comparing it to us.” Her voice was loud before she could control it. “Even though they’ll be better off apart, I have to admit they do have something. We never had anything.”

And there it was. So many years had passed and in so many ways FP was still that same boy who she got in fights with while they walked alone at night. He let out a breathless chuckle as he stood up, as she knew it was bad, that meant hell was coming. To be fair she had called for it, she knew the right buttons to press and she couldn’t resist, she never could.

He walked to the door, and for a minute she thought maybe they had changed and maybe he would just kick her out and everything would be over. But he stopped without getting there and turned around, his face was red with anger.

“Doesn’t it make you sick to lie to your own daughter like that?” He asked. “What story did you tell her? Was it that one about how you went to that stupid ‘sisters’ home all by yourself?” He was throwing his hands around as he tried to gesture, but was obviously too frustrated to control himself.

She was okay, she could take him. She could take every insult and complaint.

“Did you tell her about how you and your high school sweetheart dealt with the problem? Did you tell her how you gave birth alone? Did you tell her how you went back with Hal right after because you’ve never loved anybody else? Did you tell her all the lies you’ve been repeating for years?”

Alice could take it, she wouldn’t budge from her story.

“Hell, Allie, you barely even remember it.”

If she didn’t know better she could’ve swore there were tears in his eyes. But he was angry and had his reasons. After all, he was always the only one who could put up a fight against her.

* * *

_“What the fuck do you mean Allie?” FP screamed, he yelled and he cried._

_She just sat on the park bench, waiting for the storm to be over._

_“It’s not yours. I told you it wouldn’t be.” She let out once he finally let some open space for her to speak. “We’ve always been careful.”_

_“You mean I’ve always taken care of you, unlike Hal. I swear if I run into him, I will–”_

_“You won’t.” She interrupted. “You won’t say a fucking word to him, you won’t even look at him.” She ordered, making sure he knew she was being serious. “I won’t either.”_

_“What did he do?” He asked, soft and gentle at first, but he got no answer. “Allie, what did he do?” His voice was louder when he asked again._

_“He got an appointment, you know, with a doctor. And I don’t want that.” She fought against them but the tears still came out. “I can’t keep it, I’ll have to give it away. I have no idea how to take care of a baby and I need to finish school.”_

_“Are you sure?” He finally seemed to calm down, sitting next to her. “I can help with anything you need.”_

_“I’m sure. We’re not ready for this. I’m not ready for this.” She assured her._

_The decision was made at that moment, and they never questioned it again. His arm wrapped around her shoulders and he kissed her forehead, before he started whispering to her everything would be okay, she would make it through, and he wouldn’t leave her side._

* * *

“No one calls me Allie anymore. It’s Alice.” She finally corrected him.

“Not for me.” A smirk barely even started to form on his lips but it was immediately gone. “Are you happy?” His tone was soft again.

“We had to grow up FP, be responsible adults.”

“It’s a simple question. Do you think you got what you wanted?” He was still standing his ground and she felt small sitting there, judged.

She slowly stood up, testing the situation. Maybe she wanted to defy him, and if she did, she needed to be closer.

“That’s not a fair question. I made a decision and I’m the one who has to live with it. Not you.” She let out trying to seem unaffected but there was a knot in her stomach and she was tearing up. “You can’t use it against me.”

“It’s been more than twenty years and you can’t even be honest about it. What kind of life is that?” He asked and his voice was genuine, warm and almost affectionate, but she knew him better than that.

“It was never yours! It was never your problem!” Her lips betrayed her, her whole body did, and she found herself yelling at him. She wouldn’t stand for that, they had gotten the paternity test for a reason.

But the night had been full of surprises and it wasn’t about to stop.

Delicate as he had always been with her, his hands made their way to her arms. He was holding her in place, he always used to do that when she lost control. She was dying to pull away, she wanted to push him and run away.

“That was always clear. You never let me forget that.” He said, his voice was too gentle and she could feel his fingers lightly putting pressure on her arms, she could feel him. “But who was with you during all that? You seem to have forgotten.”

“I’d rather not think about the bad times, why is that wrong?” She asked, more to herself than to him, trying to find an answer.

“I know it wasn’t great, and maybe I was just a dumb kid, but I thought being there with you would make it easier, I really did.”

Her heart felt the heaviness of those words coming out of his mouth. The guilt she had repressed was coming back in waves, making her head spin and her knees shake. Alice sometimes was weak, she was fragile and she was broken, but not like this, not in front of other people.

She had been holding up her entire world on her shoulders for twenty years, since the last time she had someone who would share the weight with her.

That night, twenty something years later, as she stood in front of the man she knew so well, the thought that maybe she didn’t have to take care of everything by herself was present in the back of her mind again.

“It wasn’t yours, FP.” She started again and immediately saw him mouth the word ‘stubborn’ but it didn’t stop her. “It wasn’t! And I really wished it had been yours, I _prayed_ that he was yours.” She felt the tears coming down her cheeks and it was humiliating, but he hadn’t let go of her and she couldn’t move.

“Allie, you know I never cared about that.” His voice was sweet, reassuring, and _loving_. “I’m not gonna disagree with your choice because time has proven you right, I haven’t been the best father, not even to my own kids, but I said I would take care of you and I did. At least for as long as you let me.”

It would’ve been absurd to ask him to hide his pain, after how bad she had hurt him, she knew it. After all, he had never told a soul about any of it, he had suffered it as much as she had.

But after twenty years, after a lifetime apart, after all the grudges that had been held onto for way too long, she was there again. When she needed someone to understand, when she needed someone who would know what it felt like, she went to him.

“I’m sorry we couldn’t make it.” She whispered and he quickly pulled her into his chest, wrapping his arms around her, _taking care of her_.


End file.
